‘Time heals all wounds.” Everybody says it, but no-one believes it.
It may seem like you will never get over it. Whether it is heartbreak, losing someone close to you or healing from a painful situation, you convince yourself that the feeling will never go. It is very easy to ignore the 'healing stage'. Many of us go out, have some drinks, meet up with friends and try to forget what upset us, but this is not healing completely. Ignoring your emotions only prolongs the process of grief. Healing is not a linear progression and undoubtedly, they’ll be good and bad days. However, it is what you do on the bad days that will change your mindset and potentially make the healing process a little easier.
I think the most important practice in the healing stage is learning self-care, truly taking care of yourself by prioritising what makes you feel best at the time. This may mean facemasks, takeaways or treating yourself, but it also means being comfortable in your own company. Time with friends and family is unequivocally important but healing entirely requires learning to enjoy being alone. Initially, it might feel strange to relearn to do activities without company or to have no one to consistently call or message but the reward comes from challenging yourself - some activities may even be better in your own company.
Take yourself to the cinema for example. Get your favourite foods, pick a film that interests you and watch it alone. This will both take your mind off negative emotions, whilst improving your independence. Alternatively go for a solo walk or a run when you’re feeling isolated, rather than wallow inside. Even walking for a short burst of 10 minutes can increase your mental alertness, energy, and positive mood. Or perhaps self-care means staying in the comfort of your bedroom and doing very little, the important thing is to listen to your mind and learn to embrace the feeling of being alone.
There might be times when it all feels too much to cope with and it is impossible to distract yourself from negative thoughts or waves of dejection. In these instances, meditation may be a helpful practice. Instead of ignoring feelings of sadness, give yourself a few moments to sit with them. After asking a few people about their techniques to help them heal, many said that allowing themselves to feel their emotions and cry felt immensely better than pushing them away:
“When I got sad, I tried meditating for the first time. Just for five minutes and if my thoughts were on sad things then I would let them run and feel them all, I didn’t avoid or try to block them out. Then after the five minutes were up and the alarm went off, I felt a bit better.’ Anonymous.
It might not be the immediate fix; however, the healing process is not instantaneous. Making small changes to your daily routine will make getting through each day slightly easier and be a step closer to feeling like yourself.
Imperative to remember is that the process is not linear, feeling sad is not regressive and days in bed are not days wasted. Experiencing every emotion is essential to healing and ultimately it is true - time plays a critical role in this process.
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